If you would ask a kid what kind of parent he would prefer, you would be the one.
Yes, parents should be also the kids’ friends, and the kids should feel free to express their true feeling to us. But sometimes, we must remind ourselves that we must put some boundaries when it’s the case, because as adults they will have to play by the rule.
- you exercise minimal control
- you are quite forgiving, and you adopt an attitude of "kids will be kids”
- when you use consequences, you may not make those consequences stick.
- you usually take on more of a friend role than a parent role.
- you often encourage your children to talk with you about their problems, but you usually don't put much effort into discouraging poor choices or unruly behavior.
- kids may exhibit more behavioral problems as they don't appreciate authority and rules.
- It’s clear that you are permissive only because you love so much your child and that’s the most wonderful thing.
- All you must do is to understand that he will have relationships with people that aren’t his parents.
So, he will have to take responsibilities, to be reliable and consequent in his actions and you must teach him how to do this.
Coming from you who love him it’s easier that from painful life events.
Try with small steps:
- Give him responsibilities, small ones, but try to stick to a certain attitude about them.
- Establish negotiable rules
- Reward the outcome
- Restrain some privileges if the rules are frequently broken.
- Moderation in freedom-rules process it’s all that’s needed.